The other day my five years old son was playing with his toys in the evening. As he saw his dad bringing grocery bags to the kitchen, he left the toys and ran to search in the bags to see if there was anything that his dad had bought for him. He searched but was a bit disappointed because he couldn’t find any surprise this time. He came back and started to play again with his toys. I asked him, “Asher, this time Pappa didn’t buy any surprise (candies or wafers) for you, do you still love Pappa?” His answer suprised me! He said, yes! I still love Pappa.
This small conversation with my son took me back to my childhood times when I was of his age. I too wanted my father to buy candies for me or to buy what I demanded on my little list of things. When he didn’t get those things for me, I would be really upset, I wouldn’t eat or talk to anyone till I got what I wanted. I was the total opposite of my son.
Similarly, as I have a closer look at my relationship with my heavenly Father, I see that often I have viewed God as someone who ought to fulfil all the wishes on my list. If He gives me what I desire, He is a good Father and I will love Him. If He doesn’t, I will be upset with Him. It was something like this…I seek Him when I am in need or crisis and if I don’t get the results the way I expected, I will be upset with Him and probably end up feeling distant from Him.
I asked the same question to myself which I asked to my son, “Do I still love my Father in heaven even if He doesn’t answer my prayers and grant my heart’s desires?”
I realized, I had merely sought Him out of selfish ambition to get answers to my prayers instead of seeking the deeper and closer relationship with the Answer Giver. He knows what is best for me more than I think or could ever imagine. He doesn’t want me to show up when I am in need, but He wants me to come to Him desiring His presence and a deeper bond with Him. So even in the midst of life’s challenges I will have His peace, joy, strength and His abounding grace for my life.
The truth is He knows my needs, my heart desires, my dreams and every little aspect of my life. He even knows my fears, my worries and my challenges. And most of all He has my best interests at His heart. My approach should be like my son; I still love my Father even if I haven’t received what I expected from Him. I know He will surely give me what He thinks is best for me.
Forgive me for seeking you just for getting answers to my prayers instead of seeking a deeper relationship with you. Many a time I fail to understand your gracious & loving heart for me. I am sorry for coming to your throne expecting only what I desire rather than understanding what you desire for me. Sorry Father for being so self-centred and self-obsessed that I couldn’t even hear what you want to say to me. Sorry for not seeking the joy of your presence but seeking only my ambitions. I want to surrender myself to you acknowledging that you are a good Father who loves me with agape love. Please help me to understand the deepness of your love and the sweetness of your presence and a close relationship with you. Amen!