Darkness…..we all feel uneasy, stuck, confused and lost being in it. No one would enjoy it. It just feels scary. The same feeling my mom had as she went through an eye surgery few days back. Even though it was a minor surgery, as she has permanent vision loss in her left eye, when her right eye was operated on and closed, all she could feel was darkness all over and she longed to see as soon as possible.
For a few hours she felt confused, not knowing where she was. When she opened her eye which had operated on, after a couple of hours of surgery, all she could see was blur and with the dark shades it was all dark for her. I had never seen her in such a helpless condition, as she asked me
Where is the door?
Where is the step?
Where is the chair?
She needed my support to eat, drink, sit, walk and to go to the washroom. She felt panicked and helpless being in that state. But her only hope was the lights in the room which she could slightly feel on her eyes. Those lights gave her assurance in the darkness.
A day later, her blurry vision got clear and she is more than happy that now she can see clearer than before. She is excited to tell me that the curtains looks so bright and new, she can see my face clearly, her saree’s colour looks so pretty, the clothes on the drying stand looks so colorful, everything looks so shining and new. For a couple of years, all she could see was pale and unclear and she thought that was the way it was supposed to look. However, her happiness had no bounds now that she sees things very clearly and in their original colour. But the challenging part was those early few hours where all she could see was darkness.
We all feel this way many a times in our lives, when the darkness of sorrow, confusion, painful memories, loss of loved ones, loneliness, life’s challenges, scary diagnosis conquer our minds. We feel stuck not knowing where we are. We feel confused, panicked and lost. All we wish is to come out of those darkest moments.
I felt the same, when I got the diagnosis of my daughter’s medical condition. I felt that was the darkest moment of my life where all I could see was darkness.
How will we get through this?
Will she be ok?
Will she leave us?
How will I bear this?
All these questions ran through my mind. But there was a hope….there was a light…there was an assurance that no matter how dark I see, Jesus was with me and I wasn’t all alone. The light of His promises, His grace and His peace could give me assurance to get through this valley of darkness until I could see clearly, until I could see His purpose, until I could see His glory and until I could see the way He sees my future.
I don’t know which valley of darkness you are in right now. But I want to encourage you to be assured of the Light which is Jesus our shepherd. In the darkest moments of your life, when you feel lost, unsure, confused and shattered, when you ask
Where is God?
Where am I going?
Where is my trial leading me?
He is with you. He promises you to never leave you alone. He will be with you in the darkness until you get to the place where you can see clearly, and be joyful of the beauty of His purpose and brightness of His glory!