Faithfulness of God

When “What if” Entangles Your Mind

A year ago, when my husband approached me saying that he thinks we, as a family, should move to North India to begin a ministry among children and youths in my home town, all I wanted to say was a Big No. I gave him all the reasons why it wasn’t possible or even realistic moving from one state to another with no balance in bank, no resources of support, no ministry links, a child who had recently dropped out of school, another one with severe medical issues and the associated travelling challenges. It just felt so overwhelming more than a promising decision to even think about.

Every night the “what if” questions would run through my mind. What if it isn’t God’s will? What if we can’t get all the finance we need for the move? What if after telling our decision to our families, they won’t stand by us? What if the kids won’t adjust to the climate there? What if we don’t begin or continue any work there? What if we fail? All these negative scenarios would make me not to agree with his decision.

I didn’t want to leave the comfort zone which I had created over the years to stay at home and look after the kids. All my desires to contribute to Kingdom work and be a blessing to others apart from my family were buried under the thought that maybe being in the home was all that I would get to do for the years to come. After the couple of ministry plans failed in the past, I could hardly believe for any sudden shift to take place for me.

The obstacles which bothered me, bothered all our families too.  They were concerned about us as we are a family of special kids, with minimum income and a number of emotional and physical issues to deal with. The sudden decision with only a month to shift was something out of the box for me as I am so much into planning, preparing and measuring all the pros and cons before I get myself into anything. For two weeks I couldn’t agree with my husband’s decision but I did pray for God’s will to be done in this matter.

I made a list of both the possibilities and the obstacles of our shifting. Before I did so, I decided that if the possibilities outweighed the obstacles, I would go with his decision and trust God for the rest.

To my surprise the possibilities were more than the obstacles. And all I could do was to place my hand over the list of possibilities, pray and focus only on them and trash the obstacles list. I began to think only the positive outcome and chose to believe that God’s got us in His hands. Whenever the “what if’s” bothered me, I would take out the list of possibilities and read it out to feel hopeful.

Things fell in place. The support we received from our family, friends and church was exactly the amount we needed for our shifting and settling down here in Nagpur. Everything actually went more smoothly than I imagined. God opened doors for us to pioneer a small work among the kids in the form of Kids Club. My kids did adjust to the hard climate here. My mom has been a great support for me to take care of my daughter. My son is doing wonderfully and he is being homeschooled.

It’s been a year and only by God’s grace we are contributing into the lives of these little ones by sharing Godly principles, values and encouragement through various activities and methods. They are cherishing moments for us as we encourage them for their future lives, instill in them the lessons of values, see them learn to follow the path of truth & love and most of all to see them laugh, dance, share their opinions, fears and doubts freely and be themselves at this place. They are very eager to come every weekend and they are usually two hours earlier than the actual time of the club:)

Over the year, I am learning to put my trust more in God despite the “what ifs”. Obstacles may come, things may not worked as planned, “what ifs” may continue in my mind but I will choose to believe that even if challenges come, God is still with us, His plans are always good, my fear doesn’t stop His plans from happening, when He begins a work, He stands by it, He holds us in His hands, He cares for my buried dreams and He makes everything beautiful in His time.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 

4 thoughts on “When “What if” Entangles Your Mind”

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